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hem⋅i⋅sect

 /ˌhɛmɪˈsɛkt, ˈhɛmɪˌsɛkt/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [hem-i-sekt, hem-i-sekt] Show IPA

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–verb (used with object)

to cut into two equal parts; to bisect, esp. along a medial longitudinal plane.

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Origin:
1875–80; hemi- + -sect

Related forms:

hem⋅i⋅sec⋅tion, noun

Define "can't"

"Thus, you can't fuck someone in the ass with a dildo, according to the current edition of the Merriam-Webster Collegiate Dictionary, the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, the American Heritage Dictionary, and Webster's New World Dictionary."

Putin(g) the XXX back into the CCCP

Mr Putin, who will be 57 in October, showed off a set of rippling arm muscles as he demonstrated his butterfly swimming stroke. The photos will inevitably trigger mass swooning by women all over Russia — as well as unfavourable comparisons of their husbands to Mr Putin’s manly physique. They will also confirm the Russian Prime Minister’s status as a gay icon.

Apart from such moments of emotion

Suddenly he stopped, wiped his forearm across his eyes and let out a cry that sounded like the bark of a seal before turning away in tears. But apart from such moments of emotion, Duch has maintained a confident, didactic tone, prefacing his answers with phrases like “based on my analysis and assumption” and “according to the surviving documents.”

Runny noses, aching hearts

Researchers have achieved similar results by squirting oxytocin into people’s nostrils — not terribly sexy, but it seems to enhance feelings of trust and empathy....They couldn’t guess what was in the potion, but then, they didn’t have the benefit of Dr. Young’s research with prairie voles at the Yerkes National Primate Research Center at Emory University.

Juice de jeans

Interviews with several community leaders and individual women in Washington Heights echoed the findings, and revealed even more unconventional methods like “juice de jeans,” a noxious brew made by boiling denim hems.

Rock, paper, scissors, gun, fishing knife

Newhouse slammed Summers' hand against a pillar in the room, causing her to lose her grip. Newhouse then took the gun and pointed it at Summers, who had by this time gotten back into her purse and retrieved a fishing knife, according to the criminal complaint.

World to end in plague of colorful blobs, not fire

Humans have long lived in dread of such nightmare scenarios in which swarms of creatures attack.

Opinion: shedding light on epilepsy

In his mind, subjecting epileptic users to flashing lights was justified.

\b/

The anonymous denizens of 4chan’s other boards — devoted to travel, fitness and several genres of pornography — refer to the /b/-dwellers as “/b/tards.”

Some who spoke to the newspaper were idiots

AMSTERDAM, Netherlands, June 23 (UPI) -- Thousands of people in the Netherlands say they expect the world to end in 2012, and many say they are taking precautions to prepare for the apocalypse.

Some who spoke to the newspaper were optimistic about the end of civilization.

"You know, maybe it's really not that bad that the Netherlands will be destroyed," Petra Faile said. "I don't like it here anymore. Take immigration, for example. They keep letting people in. And then we have to build more houses, which makes the Netherlands even heavier. The country will sink even lower, which will make the flooding worse."

Sir Arnold Toynbee is a hairy ainus

Mountain people have long been considered exotic. The eminent British historian Sir Arnold Toynbee described the residents of Appalachia in 1947 as "the American counterparts of the latter-day white barbarians of the Old World -- Rifis, Albanians, Kurds, Pathans, and Hairy Ainus."

-Salon.com

Obama a close second in WVa

But that's not his only problem in rural West Virginia. "They won't go for a black man, that's just it," R.K. Horton, a retired heating and air conditioning business owner, said of his neighbors. "I don't think it's being racist necessarily, they just don't like black people that well." For that matter, it's not just his neighbors. "The arrogance and all that bothers me more than black, but black is a close second," he said. "

コーヒーぶっかけ男 quoted "It was hot, I spit it out"

Coffee Bukkake Man Arrested
December 11, 2007 | by James | Filed Under Strange Japan
A man has been arrested in Numazu, Shizuoka Prefecture for assaulting 5 schoolgirls with coffee via drive-by spitting attacks. Here’s a report from Asahi TV:
The spitter, who was nicknamed “Coffee Bukake Man” [コーヒーぶっかけ男] by locals, had carried out 5 attacks since the end of October. All of his victims were junior high school or high school girls wearing their uniforms, and all of the attacks involved spitting coffee onto their faces from his car window. His final attack took place on December 7th, when a 16-year-old schoolgirl he spit on was able to come to her senses quickly enough to spot his license plate number and memorize it. This led to the arrest of 26 year-old Yoshiro Sumiyama, who admitted attacking the girls. Sumiyama told police that he was irritated after having been dumped by a woman and carried out the spitting attacks to relieve some stress.
If you didn’t feel like sitting through that whole Japanese language news report or reading the above text, here is a summary in form of a cartoon reenactment created by Asahi TV’s skilled graphics team:

More information on the Bukkake Man is available in this article from Sankei Sports (Japanese).[Language note: Bukkake comes from the Japanese verb bukkakeru, which means to splash or to douse.]

And I can still hear the pips...the pips

A dried-up orange from the lunchbox of a miner fatally injured on the day he was due to eat it has gone on display in a Staffordshire museum. The fruit belonged to Joseph Roberts who was injured in an explosion at a Stoke-on-Trent colliery in 1891. It had been kept by his family but has been donated to the Potteries Museum. Spokeswoman Deb Klemperer said it may just be a piece of dried fruit but the story behind it made it an amazing piece for the museum. The pips can be heard rattling when the orange is shaken.

Another Minnesota asshole

MINNEAPOLIS (WCCO) ― A baby who from Liberia came to Minnesota about a month ago for life-saving surgery is now happy and healthy.

Emmanuel Johnson Junior is from a small town in Liberia where medical care is hard to come by. Emmanuel was born without an anus and a year after he was born, he and his mother came to Minnesota.

Views of bags blocked by bags

"My experience has shown that individuals engaging in lewd conduct use their bags to block the view from the front of their stall," said the officer, Sgt. Dave Karsnia, in the report.

The report continued: "At 1216 hours, Craig tapped his right foot. I recognized this as a signal used by persons wishing to engage in lewd conduct. Craig tapped his toes several times and moves his foot closer to my foot. I moved my foot up and down slowly. While this was occurring, the male in the stall to my right was still present. I could hear several unknown persons in the restroom that appeared to use the restroom for its intended use. The presence of others did not seem to deter Craig as he moved his right foot so that it touched the side of my left foot which was within my stall area."

--idahostatesman.com

"We release the manta's that we screw back into the ocean"

"Almost everybody in the fishing business has had sex with a manta at some point," Makeburu asserts.

Apparently it's a ritual of manhood, done out of recognition of the dangers of life on the sea.

Before mounting one of these intimidating creatures, points out J.K. special, it is "absolutely essential" that its stinger be removed. Yes, that certainly would make sense.

"A manta's ... thing is kind of similar to a human's," Makeburu says.

Okay, well ... not exactly. More than a reproductive organ, it's basically an organ of elimination. So engaging in sex with a manta is basically an act of deep-sea sodomy.

"It's shallow and there's resistance at the other end, so the feeling isn't that good," is how he describes it.

At least the manta survives the violation. "With most fish, we just whack 'em, but we release the manta's we screw back into the ocean," Makeburu relates.

A curious Matsuzawa wonders ... if the captain had an STD, wouldn't the other crew members who had sex with the manta contract it too?

"That's right," grins Makeburu. "So some guys slip on condoms before they do it. Once I came down with the clap. But we were in port around that time and I did it with a woman, so I don't have any way of knowing if I picked it up from her, or from the manta."

Is it common, then, for marine students to lose their virginity to a manta?

"Well, no, actually it's more common for them to lose it to a moray eel," he confides.

What??!! Isn't that, like, dangerous, as in crazy?

"You can stick it in until it bites," he says. "But if you pull it away too fast the skin on your cock will tear."

Apparently once out of the water a moray becomes less aggressive. So you can force its mouth open with your hands, and then stick in your cock and let it chew on your chin-chin.

Of course you can't actually call that sex either; it's only oral sex. Or as an Italian fisherman might croon, "That's a moray!"

Should you happen to find yourself climbing on a seaside crag, you might come across a type of anemone known as "isoginchaku." And this, says Makeburu, bodes well for some fishy frolic.

The creature gets its name from the old Japanese coin purse called a "kinchaku," which puckers tightly in the center when you pull on the drawstrings.

"So if you stick in your you-know-what, it'll snap shut around it," he says. "You don't need any foreplay at all. Just ram the old avenger home. It feels goooood," he grins, rolling his eyes.

Alas, sighs Jitsuwa Knuckles Special, Japan's fishing industry is fading fast, and the charming old customs it spawned appear almost certainly doomed. Someday, perhaps soon, all that will remain are these titillating tales, about romances between the men who went to sea and the obliging creatures they encountered therein. (By Masuo Kamiyama, contributing writer)

Crybaby pussy men

Men are most miserable in their late 30s.

--thisislondon.com

Death courtesy Dale Rippy

Dale Rippy, a resident of Wesley Chapel, Florida, was pulling trashcans back to his house May 30 when he saw what he thought was a large cat. After realizing the animal was actually a bobcat, he set the trashcans down and prepared for an attack.

-FoxNews