"No one would find the star-nosed mole ugly if its star were iridescent blue,” said Denis Dutton, professor of the philosophy of art at the University of Canterbury in New Zealand.

World to end in plague of colorful blobs, not fire

Humans have long lived in dread of such nightmare scenarios in which swarms of creatures attack.

Public warned to stay alert, look directly at the bird

"Something just came down, pecked me in the head, took my hair and started flying away," she said. "It's so bizarre. It's this little bird."

But the bird's favorite targets appeared to be passing bikers, who flailed helplessly as they were pecked and scratched for more than 50 yards along Grand.

Soltow sees potential for danger.

Anyone under the blackbird's radar should stay alert and look directly at the bird, Stotz said.

And when all else fails and dignity is not a factor, McDermott said, the bird will shoo if you bark like a dog.

Apparently, it apparently was

Officials said the dolphin, called Sharky, hit the other dolphin during a Sunday show at SeaWorld's Discovery Cove. The accident was apparently a freak accident.

In these times of stress

In times of stress, some members of a colony respond by building thousands of toxin molecules and then burst open, killing off the unrelated E. coli around them. Their fellow clones survive, though, and thrive without the competition.

-NYTimes

Help! My baby Gilbert's potoroo cannot extrude its penis!

A baby Gilbert's potoroo in its mother's pouch (Image: Rebecca Vaughan). Infected male potoroos suffer severe inflammation of the penis and have a bright green discharge from their bottoms.

Vaughan says in some instances the inflammation is so severe the male potoroos cannot extrude their penis, obviously making it hard for them to mate.

"We release the manta's that we screw back into the ocean"

"Almost everybody in the fishing business has had sex with a manta at some point," Makeburu asserts.

Apparently it's a ritual of manhood, done out of recognition of the dangers of life on the sea.

Before mounting one of these intimidating creatures, points out J.K. special, it is "absolutely essential" that its stinger be removed. Yes, that certainly would make sense.

"A manta's ... thing is kind of similar to a human's," Makeburu says.

Okay, well ... not exactly. More than a reproductive organ, it's basically an organ of elimination. So engaging in sex with a manta is basically an act of deep-sea sodomy.

"It's shallow and there's resistance at the other end, so the feeling isn't that good," is how he describes it.

At least the manta survives the violation. "With most fish, we just whack 'em, but we release the manta's we screw back into the ocean," Makeburu relates.

A curious Matsuzawa wonders ... if the captain had an STD, wouldn't the other crew members who had sex with the manta contract it too?

"That's right," grins Makeburu. "So some guys slip on condoms before they do it. Once I came down with the clap. But we were in port around that time and I did it with a woman, so I don't have any way of knowing if I picked it up from her, or from the manta."

Is it common, then, for marine students to lose their virginity to a manta?

"Well, no, actually it's more common for them to lose it to a moray eel," he confides.

What??!! Isn't that, like, dangerous, as in crazy?

"You can stick it in until it bites," he says. "But if you pull it away too fast the skin on your cock will tear."

Apparently once out of the water a moray becomes less aggressive. So you can force its mouth open with your hands, and then stick in your cock and let it chew on your chin-chin.

Of course you can't actually call that sex either; it's only oral sex. Or as an Italian fisherman might croon, "That's a moray!"

Should you happen to find yourself climbing on a seaside crag, you might come across a type of anemone known as "isoginchaku." And this, says Makeburu, bodes well for some fishy frolic.

The creature gets its name from the old Japanese coin purse called a "kinchaku," which puckers tightly in the center when you pull on the drawstrings.

"So if you stick in your you-know-what, it'll snap shut around it," he says. "You don't need any foreplay at all. Just ram the old avenger home. It feels goooood," he grins, rolling his eyes.

Alas, sighs Jitsuwa Knuckles Special, Japan's fishing industry is fading fast, and the charming old customs it spawned appear almost certainly doomed. Someday, perhaps soon, all that will remain are these titillating tales, about romances between the men who went to sea and the obliging creatures they encountered therein. (By Masuo Kamiyama, contributing writer)

Clearly, the man & his wife ate the baby owls

An old man in Hunan Province said an owl has taken a special liking to attacking his head. When he leaves home, the owl often starts pecking his head, forcing the man to wear a special hat, Changsha Evening News reported today.

"The owl began attacking me in March, when I was working in an orange grove," the 79-year-old Yang Decai said."I don't remember how many times it has attacked me, but the day before yesterday, it pecked me 20 times," Yang said. "It doesn't hurt but it is really annoying."

Yang wears a hat with nails sticking out of a piece of wood to protect himself from the owl. The owl sometimes cooperates with another owl – one hooting in a tree and the other swooping in to attack, the report said.

Yang's wife has also been attacked several times. Other family members have been left alone, the report said.

Yang said the owl may be seeking revenge because he removed a nest with two baby owls from his roof. "They must be the baby owls' parents and want revenge," Yang said. However, an expert from the forestry bureau in Huaihua City, Hunan, said the owl's strange behavior may be because it feels threatened or that Yang carries a special scent.

The expert suggested Yang ask local forestry officials to catch the owl or scare it away.

--Shanghaidaily.com

"Behavioral Ecologist" admits to perverted hobby

LITCHFIELD, Conn. — “This guy’s the champion,” said Patricia Brennan, a behavioral ecologist, leaning over the nether regions of a duck — a Meller’s duck from Madagascar, to be specific — and carefully coaxing out his phallus.

-New York Times

Whale explosion

Because of the natural decomposing process, a lot of gases accumulated, and when the pressure buildup was too great, the whale's belly just exploded and spilled blood and the innards on the street," Wang said.

Despite the explosion, enough of the whale remained intact that it will still be transported to the 'Shi-Tsao Natural Preserve' for a scientific examination, Wang added.

Taiwan News.com
28 January 2004