"No one would find the star-nosed mole ugly if its star were iridescent blue,” said Denis Dutton, professor of the philosophy of art at the University of Canterbury in New Zealand.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
End times
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Internet dictionary site defines "hemisected", displays related ad
hem⋅i⋅sect
[hem-i-sekt, hem-i-sekt]
ɪˈsɛkt
Show IPA –verb (used with object)
| to cut into two equal parts; to bisect, esp. along a medial longitudinal plane. |
Friday, October 16, 2009
Friday, October 2, 2009
Define "can't"
"Thus, you can't fuck someone in the ass with a dildo, according to the current edition of the Merriam-Webster Collegiate Dictionary, the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, the American Heritage Dictionary, and Webster's New World Dictionary."
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Rough translation
"You didn’t have to speak English to dig coal,” John Brunett said one recent afternoon, summarizing the cultural forces that gave birth to the pepperoni roll, the signature product of his family’s bakery."
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Talk show host opposed to talk
And Chris Stigall, a Kansas City talk show host, said, “I wouldn’t let my next-door neighbor talk to my kid alone; I’m sure as hell not letting Barack Obama talk to him alone.”
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Putin(g) the XXX back into the CCCP
Mr Putin, who will be 57 in October, showed off a set of rippling arm muscles as he demonstrated his butterfly swimming stroke. The photos will inevitably trigger mass swooning by women all over Russia — as well as unfavourable comparisons of their husbands to Mr Putin’s manly physique. They will also confirm the Russian Prime Minister’s status as a gay icon.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Apart from such moments of emotion
Suddenly he stopped, wiped his forearm across his eyes and let out a cry that sounded like the bark of a seal before turning away in tears. But apart from such moments of emotion, Duch has maintained a confident, didactic tone, prefacing his answers with phrases like “based on my analysis and assumption” and “according to the surviving documents.”
Friday, June 19, 2009
A more specific solstice
"Summer is when people get together. More specifically, casual drinkers and drug users are more likely to go to bars or parties on weekends and evenings, as opposed to a Tuesday morning. These people in the social mix, flooding the city’s streets and neighborhood bars, feed the peak times for murder, experts say."
Friday, February 6, 2009
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Excessive
Replacement Issues Request for January 27, 2009
CD: XNX1522A
Journal: Cell
Vol: 101
Issue: 3
ISSN: 00928674
Data Type: CAP
DECAP Created: NO
Excessive commas in incoming xml for the PII S0092-8674(00)80836-3 is failing the AUSM update for this issue.
The main.xml for the PII S0092-8674(00)80836-3 has excessive commas as follows
It should have been as follows:
This issue needs to be corrected and resupplied for this to be processed and be online.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Opinion: Drunk Russia
"I don't think there's anyone in Russia who doesn't know what a drunk person looks like," Katya Kushner ... told the Moscow Times.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Surprises behind the crap tower
This “surprise” was a heron which scattered from behind a sewer tower and managed to get caught in my uplifting camera lense.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Runny noses, aching hearts
Researchers have achieved similar results by squirting oxytocin into people’s nostrils — not terribly sexy, but it seems to enhance feelings of trust and empathy....They couldn’t guess what was in the potion, but then, they didn’t have the benefit of Dr. Young’s research with prairie voles at the Yerkes National Primate Research Center at Emory University.
Friday, January 9, 2009
Sentence deemed too large to fail
According to a Chi-square statistic on contingency table, significant differences (Chi-square-test p <>L2 versus L2-->L4, L2-->L2 versus L3-->L3, L2-->L2 versus L4-->L4, L2-->L2 versus L5A-->L4, L2-->L2 versus L5A-->L5A, L2-->L2 versus L6-->L6, L2-->L3 versus L3-->L3, L2-->L3 versus L4-->L4, L2-->L3 versus L5A-->L5A, L2-->L4 versus L3-->L2, L2-->L4 versus L3-->L3, L2-->L4 versus L3-->L5B, L2-->L4 versus L4-->L2, L2-->L4 versus L4-->L3, L2-->L4 versus L4-->L4, L2-->L4 versus L4-->L5A, L2-->L4 versus L5A-->L5A, L2-->L5A versus L4-->L4, L2-->L5A versus L5A-->L4, L2-->L5B versus L5A-->L4, L2-->L6 versus L4-->L4, L3-->L2 versus L5A-->L4, L3-->L2 versus L6-->L5A, L3-->L2 versus L6-->L6, L3-->L3 versus L3-->L4, L3-->L3 versus L5A-->L2, L3-->L3 versus L5A-->L4, L3-->L3 versus L5A-->L6, L3-->L3 versus L5B-->L2, L3-->L3 versus L5B-->L3, L3-->L3 versus L5B-->L4, L3-->L3 versus L5B-->L5A, L3-->L3 versus L5B-->L5B, L3-->L3 versus L6-->L4, L3-->L3 versus L6-->L5A, L3-->L3 versus L6-->L5B, L3-->L3 versus L6-->L6, L3-->L4 versus L4-->L3, L3-->L4 versus L4-->L4, L3-->L4 versus L5A-->L5A, L3-->L5A versus L4-->L4, L3-->L5B versus L5A-->L4, L3-->L5B versus L6-->L5A, L3-->L5B versus L6-->L6, L3-->L6 versus L4-->L4, L4-->L2 versus L5A-->L4, L4-->L2 versus L6-->L5A, L4-->L2 versus L6-->L6, L4-->L3 versus L5A-->L4, L4-->L3 versus L5B-->L3, L4-->L3 versus L5B-->L4, L4-->L3 versus L5B-->L5A, L4-->L3 versus L6-->L5A, L4-->L3 versus L6-->L6, L4-->L4 versus L4-->L5A, L4-->L4 versus L4-->L5B, L4-->L4 versus L4-->L6, L4-->L4 versus L5A-->L2, L4-->L4 versus L5A-->L3, L4-->L4 versus L5A-->L4, L4-->L4 versus L5A-->L5B, L4-->L4 versus L5A-->L6, L4-->L4 versus L5B-->L2, L4-->L4 versus L5B-->L3, L4-->L4 versus L5B-->L4, L4-->L4 versus L5B-->L5A, L4-->L4 versus L5B-->L5B, L4-->L4 versus L6-->L2, L4-->L4 versus L6-->L3, L4-->L4 versus L6-->L4, L4-->L4 versus L6-->L5A, L4-->L4 versus L6-->L5B, L4-->L4 versus L6-->L6, L4-->L5A versus L5A-->L4, L4-->L5A versus L6-->L5A, L4-->L5A versus L6-->L6, L4-->L5B versus L5A-->L4, L5A-->L2 versus L5A-->L5A, L5A-->L3 versus L5A-->L5A, L5A-->L4 versus L5A-->L5A, L5A-->L4 versus L5A-->L5B, L5A-->L4 versus L5B-->L5B, L5A-->L5A versus L5A-->L6, L5A-->L5A versus L5B-->L2, L5A-->L5A versus L5B-->L3, L5A-->L5A versus L5B-->L4, L5A-->L5A versus L5B-->L5A, L5A-->L5A versus L5B-->L5B, L5A-->L5A versus L6-->L4, L5A-->L5A versus L6-->L5A, L5A-->L5A versus L6-->L5B, L5A-->L5A versus L6-->L6.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
I don't know where to put the ironic quotes
Federal law enforcement were also reported to be looking into whether Mr. Grant’s civil rights were violated in his killing.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Squirrels, food
Even during World War II and the period of austerity that followed, the Ministry of Food valiantly promoted the joys of squirrel soup and pie.
Monday, January 5, 2009
Juice de jeans
Interviews with several community leaders and individual women in Washington Heights echoed the findings, and revealed even more unconventional methods like “juice de jeans,” a noxious brew made by boiling denim hems.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Professor Abbott Fearmonger, PhD
Dr. Abbott said. “Then you would hear a big bang, maybe a series of bangs, something that sounded like gunfire or cannons. It would be a really, really loud noise. And then you would be knocked to the ground by the air blast. And then you would be inundated by the tsunami.”
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Rock, paper, scissors, gun, fishing knife
Newhouse slammed Summers' hand against a pillar in the room, causing her to lose her grip. Newhouse then took the gun and pointed it at Summers, who had by this time gotten back into her purse and retrieved a fishing knife, according to the criminal complaint.
Friday, December 19, 2008
Old people eat pussy
"Cat tastes a bit like lamb. I don't like it much," she said. "Young cats are tender, but the meat on the older ones is really tough. Usually old people like eating it."
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Thursday, December 4, 2008
World to end in plague of colorful blobs, not fire
Humans have long lived in dread of such nightmare scenarios in which swarms of creatures attack.
Monday, November 3, 2008
Magpie, destroyer of flesh
He said infections following pecking injuries were rare."Serious infections relating to trauma involving a bird have included septic arthritis of the knee after a chicken bite and a fatal brain abscess in a child caused by a rooster peck," Dr Wilson wrote.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
High-tech dirt roads, courtesy of Massey Energy Co.
Massey [WV coal company] is working with the Mingo County Redevelopment Authority to provide the Mingo and Logan County area with a state-of-the-art dirt racetrack.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Friday, August 1, 2008
Opinion: shedding light on epilepsy
In his mind, subjecting epileptic users to flashing lights was justified.
\b/
The anonymous denizens of 4chan’s other boards — devoted to travel, fitness and several genres of pornography — refer to the /b/-dwellers as “/b/tards.”
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Some who spoke to the newspaper were idiots
AMSTERDAM, Netherlands, June 23 (UPI) -- Thousands of people in the Netherlands say they expect the world to end in 2012, and many say they are taking precautions to prepare for the apocalypse.
Some who spoke to the newspaper were optimistic about the end of civilization.
"You know, maybe it's really not that bad that the Netherlands will be destroyed," Petra Faile said. "I don't like it here anymore. Take immigration, for example. They keep letting people in. And then we have to build more houses, which makes the Netherlands even heavier. The country will sink even lower, which will make the flooding worse."
Monday, June 23, 2008
Cut off the arm & sell it on eBay
"With the exception of the cross-burning episode. ... I believe John Freshwater is teaching the values of the parents in the Mount Vernon school district," he told The Columbus Dispatch for a story published Friday.
Freshwater used a science tool known as a high-frequency generator to burn images of a cross on students' arms in December, the report said. Freshwater told investigators he simply was trying to demonstrate the device on several students and described the images as an "X," not a cross. But pictures show a cross, the report said.
Other findings show that Freshwater taught that carbon dating was unreliable to argue against evolution.
Public warned to stay alert, look directly at the bird
"Something just came down, pecked me in the head, took my hair and started flying away," she said. "It's so bizarre. It's this little bird."
But the bird's favorite targets appeared to be passing bikers, who flailed helplessly as they were pecked and scratched for more than 50 yards along Grand.
Soltow sees potential for danger.
Anyone under the blackbird's radar should stay alert and look directly at the bird, Stotz said.
And when all else fails and dignity is not a factor, McDermott said, the bird will shoo if you bark like a dog.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
The whole thing, right on your computer screen. More RAM, please
The universe is expanding at an ever-increasing rate. Click here for the full graphic.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Sir Arnold Toynbee is a hairy ainus
Mountain people have long been considered exotic. The eminent British historian Sir Arnold Toynbee described the residents of Appalachia in 1947 as "the American counterparts of the latter-day white barbarians of the Old World -- Rifis, Albanians, Kurds, Pathans, and Hairy Ainus."
-Salon.com
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
It will harden and they will die
To the person who wanted to get rid of the carpenter bees: Go into the hole they've built and put plastic wood inside. Push it in there and mash it down and they should die within three or four minutes when the plastic wood hardens.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Obama a close second in WVa
But that's not his only problem in rural West Virginia. "They won't go for a black man, that's just it," R.K. Horton, a retired heating and air conditioning business owner, said of his neighbors. "I don't think it's being racist necessarily, they just don't like black people that well." For that matter, it's not just his neighbors. "The arrogance and all that bothers me more than black, but black is a close second," he said. "
Friday, May 9, 2008
Glass turd
The image was shot with a Nikon 4004, 35mm film camera with a 70-200mm vario AF Nikkor lens. To put it in perspective, the lens has all the optical qualities of a glass “turd.”
-Peter H. Myers
Monday, April 28, 2008
Apparently, it apparently was
Officials said the dolphin, called Sharky, hit the other dolphin during a Sunday show at SeaWorld's Discovery Cove. The accident was apparently a freak accident.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
In these times of stress
In times of stress, some members of a colony respond by building thousands of toxin molecules and then burst open, killing off the unrelated E. coli around them. Their fellow clones survive, though, and thrive without the competition.
-NYTimes
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Darker side of the moon
The man was described as being white, 6 feet tall, wearing a black Pink Floyd T-shirt with a rainbow prism partially covered by a dark jacket, either a black or blue ski mask and red and green tennis shoes.
The university said the man was carrying a small black handgun.
-Ashville Citizen-Times
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Birds like bees
Like bees, the birds have been putting on daily displays reminiscent of the tamer scenes in Alfred Hitchcock's classic, "The Birds."nbc11.com
Published February 20, 2008
Saturday, February 16, 2008
Feral cat is evil cat
“It scratched where the veins are and sunk its teeth into my hand. I could have lost my hand. This cat is still roaming around causing trouble. Our four cats are too scared to go outside now. This feral cat has been causing trouble for three months.”
Wife Lisa, 24, said: “It is an evil cat. If it was a human it would be a drug dealer or some-thing!”
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
コーヒーぶっかけ男 quoted "It was hot, I spit it out"
Coffee Bukkake Man Arrested
December 11, 2007 | by James | Filed Under Strange Japan
A man has been arrested in Numazu, Shizuoka Prefecture for assaulting 5 schoolgirls with coffee via drive-by spitting attacks. Here’s a report from Asahi TV:
The spitter, who was nicknamed “Coffee Bukake Man” [コーヒーぶっかけ男] by locals, had carried out 5 attacks since the end of October. All of his victims were junior high school or high school girls wearing their uniforms, and all of the attacks involved spitting coffee onto their faces from his car window. His final attack took place on December 7th, when a 16-year-old schoolgirl he spit on was able to come to her senses quickly enough to spot his license plate number and memorize it. This led to the arrest of 26 year-old Yoshiro Sumiyama, who admitted attacking the girls. Sumiyama told police that he was irritated after having been dumped by a woman and carried out the spitting attacks to relieve some stress.
If you didn’t feel like sitting through that whole Japanese language news report or reading the above text, here is a summary in form of a cartoon reenactment created by Asahi TV’s skilled graphics team:
More information on the Bukkake Man is available in this article from Sankei Sports (Japanese).[Language note: Bukkake comes from the Japanese verb bukkakeru, which means to splash or to douse.]
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Help! My baby Gilbert's potoroo cannot extrude its penis!
A baby Gilbert's potoroo in its mother's pouch (Image: Rebecca Vaughan). Infected male potoroos suffer severe inflammation of the penis and have a bright green discharge from their bottoms.
Vaughan says in some instances the inflammation is so severe the male potoroos cannot extrude their penis, obviously making it hard for them to mate.
State of ethology in the state of Texas
A day after the 2006 shooting of a cat that lived under the San Luis Pass toll bridge in Galveston, Tex., another cat could be seen. The prosecution and defense wrangled repeatedly about whether witnesses could accurately assess the cat’s state of mind. “He’s not qualified to know what the cat was feeling,” said Mr. Nelson, when a police officer, John P. Bertolino Sr., testified that the cat was in terrible pain when he arrived at the crime scene. The cat died en route to a Humane Society facility.
NYTimes
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
And I can still hear the pips...the pips
A dried-up orange from the lunchbox of a miner fatally injured on the day he was due to eat it has gone on display in a Staffordshire museum. The fruit belonged to Joseph Roberts who was injured in an explosion at a Stoke-on-Trent colliery in 1891. It had been kept by his family but has been donated to the Potteries Museum. Spokeswoman Deb Klemperer said it may just be a piece of dried fruit but the story behind it made it an amazing piece for the museum. The pips can be heard rattling when the orange is shaken.
Friday, October 26, 2007
Another Minnesota asshole
MINNEAPOLIS (WCCO) ― A baby who from Liberia came to Minnesota about a month ago for life-saving surgery is now happy and healthy.
Emmanuel Johnson Junior is from a small town in Liberia where medical care is hard to come by. Emmanuel was born without an anus and a year after he was born, he and his mother came to Minnesota.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Views of bags blocked by bags
"My experience has shown that individuals engaging in lewd conduct use their bags to block the view from the front of their stall," said the officer, Sgt. Dave Karsnia, in the report.
The report continued: "At 1216 hours, Craig tapped his right foot. I recognized this as a signal used by persons wishing to engage in lewd conduct. Craig tapped his toes several times and moves his foot closer to my foot. I moved my foot up and down slowly. While this was occurring, the male in the stall to my right was still present. I could hear several unknown persons in the restroom that appeared to use the restroom for its intended use. The presence of others did not seem to deter Craig as he moved his right foot so that it touched the side of my left foot which was within my stall area."
--idahostatesman.com
Monday, August 27, 2007
"We release the manta's that we screw back into the ocean"
"Almost everybody in the fishing business has had sex with a manta at some point," Makeburu asserts.
Apparently it's a ritual of manhood, done out of recognition of the dangers of life on the sea.
Before mounting one of these intimidating creatures, points out J.K. special, it is "absolutely essential" that its stinger be removed. Yes, that certainly would make sense.
"A manta's ... thing is kind of similar to a human's," Makeburu says.
Okay, well ... not exactly. More than a reproductive organ, it's basically an organ of elimination. So engaging in sex with a manta is basically an act of deep-sea sodomy.
"It's shallow and there's resistance at the other end, so the feeling isn't that good," is how he describes it.
At least the manta survives the violation. "With most fish, we just whack 'em, but we release the manta's we screw back into the ocean," Makeburu relates.
A curious Matsuzawa wonders ... if the captain had an STD, wouldn't the other crew members who had sex with the manta contract it too?
"That's right," grins Makeburu. "So some guys slip on condoms before they do it. Once I came down with the clap. But we were in port around that time and I did it with a woman, so I don't have any way of knowing if I picked it up from her, or from the manta."
Is it common, then, for marine students to lose their virginity to a manta?
"Well, no, actually it's more common for them to lose it to a moray eel," he confides.
What??!! Isn't that, like, dangerous, as in crazy?
"You can stick it in until it bites," he says. "But if you pull it away too fast the skin on your cock will tear."
Apparently once out of the water a moray becomes less aggressive. So you can force its mouth open with your hands, and then stick in your cock and let it chew on your chin-chin.
Of course you can't actually call that sex either; it's only oral sex. Or as an Italian fisherman might croon, "That's a moray!"
Should you happen to find yourself climbing on a seaside crag, you might come across a type of anemone known as "isoginchaku." And this, says Makeburu, bodes well for some fishy frolic.
The creature gets its name from the old Japanese coin purse called a "kinchaku," which puckers tightly in the center when you pull on the drawstrings.
"So if you stick in your you-know-what, it'll snap shut around it," he says. "You don't need any foreplay at all. Just ram the old avenger home. It feels goooood," he grins, rolling his eyes.
Alas, sighs Jitsuwa Knuckles Special, Japan's fishing industry is fading fast, and the charming old customs it spawned appear almost certainly doomed. Someday, perhaps soon, all that will remain are these titillating tales, about romances between the men who went to sea and the obliging creatures they encountered therein. (By Masuo Kamiyama, contributing writer)
Friday, August 24, 2007
Philosophical architects of questionable integrity
This obscure firm, based in the Bronx, turned out to be an amalgam of a scaffolding company at the same Bronx address, two former executives from a demolition company of questionable integrity and a name from the pages of Ayn Rand’s “Atlas Shrugged.”
--NYTimesWednesday, August 15, 2007
Monday, July 30, 2007
This reporter should be kicked in the balls
Allison Bauer left rainbows: Reds, yellows and blues, festooned across her MySpace profile in a collage of color. Before her corpse was pulled from the depths of an Oregon gorge on May 9, where police say she lept to her death, she unwittingly wrote her own epitaph.
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Death courtesy Dale Rippy
Dale Rippy, a resident of Wesley Chapel, Florida, was pulling trashcans back to his house May 30 when he saw what he thought was a large cat. After realizing the animal was actually a bobcat, he set the trashcans down and prepared for an attack.
Clearly, the man & his wife ate the baby owls
An old man in Hunan Province said an owl has taken a special liking to attacking his head. When he leaves home, the owl often starts pecking his head, forcing the man to wear a special hat, Changsha Evening News reported today.
"The owl began attacking me in March, when I was working in an orange grove," the 79-year-old Yang Decai said."I don't remember how many times it has attacked me, but the day before yesterday, it pecked me 20 times," Yang said. "It doesn't hurt but it is really annoying."
Yang wears a hat with nails sticking out of a piece of wood to protect himself from the owl. The owl sometimes cooperates with another owl – one hooting in a tree and the other swooping in to attack, the report said.
Yang's wife has also been attacked several times. Other family members have been left alone, the report said.
Yang said the owl may be seeking revenge because he removed a nest with two baby owls from his roof. "They must be the baby owls' parents and want revenge," Yang said. However, an expert from the forestry bureau in Huaihua City, Hunan, said the owl's strange behavior may be because it feels threatened or that Yang carries a special scent.
The expert suggested Yang ask local forestry officials to catch the owl or scare it away.
--Shanghaidaily.com
Tuesday, June 5, 2007
The most incredible thing ever to happen in Tulsa, Okla.
A week ago, the eyes of an anxious world were fixed on Tulsa, Okla., straining for a glimpse of a time-capsule car being unearthed after 50 years under the courthouse lawn — which, despite all the precautions that circa-1957 civic hucksterism thought to take in prepping the car, dashed many a fond hope when it emerged from its vault as only a Plymouth Belvedere-shaped lump of rust.
Wednesday, May 9, 2007
Man dies after magpie attack
A ROGUE magpie has been captured and destroyed after fatally injuring one man and seriously injuring a tourist. A Mildura man, 74, received severe eye injuries when a local magpie swooped from trees in the Victorian town.
Protestations
Protesters screamed “God haters!”' and “Let their wheels crumble!” as the removal got under way.
The New York Times, 27 August 2003
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
City officials acknowledge the problem
City officials acknowledge the problem, but they say that the heroin addicts are only a small percentage of the toilets' users. Since January, the public toilet outside the aquarium was used nearly 12,000 times, and its owners say it is the busiest in the world.
–Boston Globe, 8 August 2003
Monday, May 7, 2007
Child hears what the spiders say
Jesse was given the spiders -- now both dead -- as a souvenir. He has taken them to school and his mother has taken them to work.
"It was real interesting, 'cause, two spiders in my ear -- what next?" Jesse said.
-Boston Globe
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
"Behavioral Ecologist" admits to perverted hobby
LITCHFIELD, Conn. — “This guy’s the champion,” said Patricia Brennan, a behavioral ecologist, leaning over the nether regions of a duck — a Meller’s duck from Madagascar, to be specific — and carefully coaxing out his phallus.
-New York Times
Monday, April 16, 2007
Shit fire
"Fortunately, nobody was using the toilets when the fire broke out and there were no injuries," Tanaka said. "The fire would have been just under your buttocks."
-Boston.com
Friday, April 13, 2007
Kurt Vonnegut, dead
Kurt Vonnegut, author of The Sirens of Titan and Slaughterhouse-Five, died late Wednesday evening of head injuries sustained in a fall earlier this year. What do you think?
Lee Marlowe,
Accounts Clerk
"Who's going to be the next century's voice of confusion and dread? Nancy Grace can't last forever."
Lacey Janson,
Teacher's Assistant
"Are we totally, absolutely sure he's not alive? I just think it'd be silly to accept his death without checking Dresden for his younger self first."
Arthur Quigle,
Limousine Driver
"So it goes.
the Onion
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Lesbians: stick or automatic?
A few years ago, Meghan Daum, an op-ed contributor to The Los Angeles Times, wrote about a promising first date with a man that never led to a second one because, she later learned, the guy saw that she drove a Subaru Outback station wagon and concluded she must be a lesbian.
-The New York Times
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Sexual orientation expert expresses doubt
“If you can’t make a male attracted to other males by cutting off his penis, how strong could any psychosocial effect be?” said J. Michael Bailey, an expert on sexual orientation at Northwestern University.
-New York Times
Friday, April 6, 2007
Fox rampage ends as teens kick animal to death
A fox attacked three people in Suffolk Thursday morning.
The first attack occurred just after 6:00 a.m. at Sonic in the 1600 blk. of North Main Street. The male fox chased a 17-year-old employee of that business.
Just after 9 a.m., the fox was spotted at Barton Ford and then back at Sonic’s drive thru. The fox attacked an employee of Barton Ford, who had been operating a fork lift at that location. The person was scratched on the leg.
Animal Control was unable to locate the fox and traps were set.
Then the fox returned to Barton Ford and attacked a second employee but didn't injure the person's leg.
Then the fox was spotted back at Sonic, where it tried to attack the 17-year-old employee again. That teen kicked it against the building and dispatched the fox.Friday, March 30, 2007
Man drinks blood from sewer, worries
A Minneapolis city worker is worried about blood in the sewer system because he said, while he was cleaning the system, blood sprayed out of a hole and got all over him.
Blood just all over my face, in my mouth, I could taste it. It was terrible. I had it in my mouth and I kept spitting and I couldn't get rid of it," said Huebner.
Huebner said he hasn't been sleeping much. He's worried about the blood that he swallowed when he was operating a jet machine to clean out the sewer.
-wcco.com
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Man sees cat, races to retrieve dart gun
When investigator John Stadler arrived and opened the bedroom door, "he saw a gray and white cat baring its teeth in attack mode," Gutschenritter said. "He shut the bedroom door and returned to his car for a dart gun."
Under city ordinance, cats may run free if they don't become nuisances.
-Boston Globe
Wednesday, March 7, 2007
Drowned in water and decomposing fish
They fainted at the smell of the decomposing fish kept in the bottom of the trawler along the Andaman coast of southern Thailand on Monday, and the five men drowned in shallow water, police said.
March 7, 2007
Friday, March 2, 2007
America in love with violence, sex
As he puts it, "I wish America would just be honest. America is sick....America loves violence and sex."
7online.com; March 2, 2007
Saturday, February 24, 2007
Trees fly downards undgerground, US to blame?
"It is very dangerous. If a person had been in this disaster, he would have had almost no chance of survival. The trees flew downwards, under the ground," said Dmitry Zaitsev, a local Emergencies Ministry official interviewed by the channel.
Officials in Nizhegorodskaya region, on the Volga river east of Moscow, said water in the lake might have been sucked down into an underground water-course or cave system, but some villagers had more sinister explanations.
"I am thinking, well, America has finally got to us," said one old woman, as she sat on the ground outside her house.
Man drops phone, loses numbers
PAPER TRAIL - Jeff Gillis backs up the numbers on his cellphone with a paper address book. He once lost his numbers when he dropped his phone.Andrea Mohin/The New York Times
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Vicious insects settle in France
Swarms of giant hornets renowned for their vicious stings and skill at massacring honeybees have settled in France.
telegraph.co.uk; Feb 21, 2007
Monday, January 22, 2007
Scholars of depravity
One victim who is not seeking restitution, David Gelernter, a professor of computer science at Yale, said in a letter to the court that he hoped “the criminal’s property will be destroyed, or (if need be) sealed for a century at least and then made available at no charge to scholars of depravity.”
nyt jan 22, 2007
Monday, December 18, 2006
Whale-vomit expert not on staff
Larry Penny, 71, director of East Hampton’s natural resources department, said he had no way of making a definite determination, because “we don’t keep a certified whale-vomit expert on staff.”
nyt dec18,2006
Saturday, November 4, 2006
Naked man conceals weapon, masturbates--Police take action
EL CERRITO, Calif. --A man was arrested on suspicion of carrying a concealed weapon after police found him outdoors -- naked -- and he told them he had a tool in his rectum, authorities said.
The man was lying on a tree stump, masturbating beside a nature path, near a Bay Area Rapid Transit station Thursday, police said.
John Sheehan, 33, of Pittsburg, was initially arrested on suspicion of indecent exposure. But when asked whether he was carrying anything police should know about, Sheehan mentioned the tool, said El Cerrito Detective Cpl. Don Horgan.
"You can't get much more concealed than that," Horgan said.
Officers drew their weapons and firefighters were called to the scene. Sheehan removed a 6-inch metal awl wrapped in black electrical tape without incident.
Sheehan, who was paroled from state prison last week, was then booked into jail on suspicion of parole violations, indecent exposure and one felony count of possessing a concealed weapon.
"When you're talking about an awl or an ice pick and you're dealing with somebody who's fresh out of prison, it's a weapon. That's a stabbing instrument," Horgan said.
It was not immediately clear what Sheehan was on parole for. A person answering the phone at the jail Friday night did not know whether Sheehan had a lawyer.
© Copyright 2006 Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.
Thursday, March 23, 2006
Thick and blond atop a crushed head
The melting snow of the Sierra Nevada fell away from the airman inch by inch. He lay facedown, his hair thick and blond atop a crushed head.
NYTimes, March 24, 2006
HONOLULU, March 23 —
NYTimes, March 24, 2006
HONOLULU, March 23 —
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Primitive desires unlocked
The sleeping pill Ambien seems to unlock a primitive desire to eat in some patients, according to emerging medical case studies that describe how the drug's users sometimes sleepwalk into their kitchens, claw through their refrigerators like animals and consume calories ranging into the thousands.
NYTimes, March 14, 2006-03-14
Friday, March 3, 2006
Simply gay in Welch, WVa
"He was simply a gay man in Welch, West Virginia. And because of that we can only assume that Chief Bowman assumed he had HIV and it was unsafe to even touch him," Saxe said.
AP, March 3, 2006
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
Controversial statements
Robertson has made controversial statements in the past. In October 2003, he suggested that the State Department be blown up with a nuclear device. He has also said that feminism encourages women to ''kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians.''
NYTimes, 23 August 2005
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
Abortionist eats babies
A Kansas City abortionist is out of business after investigators discovered a grisly house of horrors at his clinic – with fetuses kept in Styrofoam cups in his refrigerator and one employee accusing him of microwaving one and stirring it into his lunch.
wnd.com, 15 June 2005
Friday, June 10, 2005
Crows: "nasty, sinister things"
Joggers are today being warned about violent crows in London parks after an attack left a man bloodied and needing hospital treatment. Mr Keay today told how he was running his usual route through Battersea Park when the birds swooped on him. The crows clawed his head with their talons and pecked at him furiously.
Although it is extremely unusual for crows to attack humans, joggers are now being warned to be extra vigilant.
"I thought they were very nasty, sinister things."she said. "Two of them focused in on me as I walked past. I couldn't help thinking of that Hitchcock film."
Mr Keay, a father of two young children, added: "What really worries me is that it could happen again - and it could be a lot worse if the crows attacked children. They could literally have their eyes out."
thisislondon.com, 10 June 2005
Thursday, June 9, 2005
WVa man's life made easier
"It keeps me from having to carry cash or a checkbook" said Hiers, who sometimes stops by the Sterling convenience store twice a day to get lunch, fill up his gas tank and pick up rations for his hour-long commute home to Charles Town, W.Va. "It makes my life a little easier, especially if I just want to get in and get out."
msnbc.com, 9 June 2005
Wednesday, June 8, 2005
Harvard releases plague of rats
Regardless of what sent rats scurrying into Allston's streets, others are concerned that Harvard's massive expansion into Allston will unleash a plague of rats. City Councilor Jerry P. McDermott, whose district covers Allston and Brighton, is going to ask Harvard to pay for rodent control for all of North Brighton and Allston.
"They've envisioned Allston as a massive undertaking. They will certainly be unearthing rodents and disturbing them,'' McDermott said.
Boston Herald, 8 june 2005
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
Grackles attack blouse
Another bird attacked a deputy county clerk.
I hit him with a bottle," said Sylvia Velasquez. "The other birds came, and one attacked my blouse and on my back."
I hit him with a bottle," said Sylvia Velasquez. "The other birds came, and one attacked my blouse and on my back."
Two women came to help her after she fell to the ground, and the birds attacked them as well. The group escaped by running into the building.
MYWAY.com
May 18, 7:24 AM (ET)
Reuters, May 20, 2005
Wednesday, July 28, 2004
Soda dropped as cops use mace
"They weren't yelling or touching him. The man bent over and the girl asked why he maced her boyfriend. Then the cop maced her, and she dropped her soda."
local6.com
7/28/2004
Friday, February 27, 2004
Cosmetically unfortunate, hearing unaffected
It doesn't affect your hearing. It doesn't affect long-term health," he said.
"But cosmetically it is quite unfortunate."
"But cosmetically it is quite unfortunate."
www.stuff.co.uz
2/27/2004
Wednesday, January 28, 2004
Whale explosion
Because of the natural decomposing process, a lot of gases accumulated, and when the pressure buildup was too great, the whale's belly just exploded and spilled blood and the innards on the street," Wang said.
Despite the explosion, enough of the whale remained intact that it will still be transported to the 'Shi-Tsao Natural Preserve' for a scientific examination, Wang added.
Taiwan News.com
28 January 2004
Monday, September 8, 2003
Naked hobbyist at large
The man ambushes women while wearing nothing but a baseball cap and a smile and snaps photographs of their shocked expressions. He has been at large for more than a year.
Local6.com
8 September 2003 (Central Florida, reporting from Columbus, OH)
Local6.com
8 September 2003 (Central Florida, reporting from Columbus, OH)
Sunday, September 26, 1999
Anti-gay bias, or suburban property-owner madness?
The police were called, and the son was eventually convicted of a hate-motivated assault, a felony. But what was the nature of the hate: anti-gay bias, or suburban property-owner madness?
Andrew.Sullivan.com
September 26, 1999, The New York Times Magazine.
copyright © 1999, 2006 Andrew Sullivan
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)